


A Convergence

by aphrodite_mine



Category: Degrassi
Genre: F/F, First Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-21
Updated: 2011-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 12:09:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5048044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphrodite_mine/pseuds/aphrodite_mine





	A Convergence

i.

She's younger than she should be. He is too. They shouldn't be smoking and they shouldn't be drinking and they most definitely shouldn't be in the back of his step-dad's car slipping out of their pants. No one tells them this, but they know.

It's like a beacon in the pit of her stomach. _shouldn't be doing this i shouldn't be doing_ , and she can't turn it off. But she ignores it because Shante did it last month and Paulo and his girlfriend have been going to the ravine since a year ago.

So she stuffs it down, the voice, and doesn't look at him as he undoes his zipper, and she has her eyes shut tight by the time her pants are off and he's on top of her and the backseat is really uncomfortable and Shante didn't mention that. And he asks her something like "Are you ready?" and she thinks she says yes, but she probably shook her head to the contrary because the voice is getting stronger and her eyes fly open when she feels him -- something so foreign and not at all what she wants.

But it happens -- him panting above her, throwing around words like "fuck" and "Jesus", and her, holding as still as she can -- it happens.

When he finishes, he pulls away awkwardly and covers up again.

"We should come back here," Alex says, voice scratchy. "Are you free tomorrow?" Because the voice is still there, but she thinks that maybe - maybe, she could figure out how to make it stop. With practice.

ii.

The rumors weren't true. When were the rumors ever true? Okay, so maybe there had been kissing with the lifeguard, but nothing happened. That was the problem. Paige was ready for something to happen. And then.

It did.

Something happened and she said _no_ and _stop_ and _please_ but he didn't listen. Something happened.

He was all arms and legs and thick torso and she kicked and arched and struggled but he was there with his mouth and his bruising fingers and his violation. He was pressing into her and holding her down and covering her mouth when she tried to scream. He was stronger, he was smarter, he wasn't what she wanted. He happened.

And afterwards, he was a sweetness that made her sick. He blamed it on the beer, the vomit on his bedroom floor. He touched her arm, her cheek. He smiled when she flinched away. "You're the best, Spirit."

It was hard to walk home. Between the tears in her eyes and the tear in her center. Her heart bleeds all over the sidewalk.

iii.

It's probably the scariest thing they've ever done: fall in love. Because when Alex knew - _knew_ \- she didn't know it would be Paige Michalchuk. She didn't know it would be the one she should hate. And Paige, she never pictured her fabulous couture wedding dress next to a girl like Alex. Next to any girl at all.

But kissing feels like the best thing to happen since life got hard - neither is really sure where that line falls - and somehow, girlhands on girlshoulders make the world disappear.  
Thin fingers work their way under the waistband of Paige's underwear. "Is this okay?" whispered. "Yes" comes back husky, an unexpected arching of bodies closer and wetter and more than they had before.

Shaking later, the two of them, not from fear or suppression, but the tragic desire that comes from giving everything you have and still wanting more.


End file.
